Should I? Could I?

From Perry's and mine courtship blog. stepbystepcourtship.blogspot.com


In response to David's questions:

#1. What main preliminary questions did you first work through to establish a ground floor to work off of?
The purpose of these questions is to determine, "Should I (or should I not) marry this person?" In other words, to find out whether the person is Biblically qualified and compatibly like-minded, and if being married to them fits within God's will.
These are examples of main preliminary questions we worked through. Obvious firsts include: whether the person a Christian and is growing in the Lord, discussing views of husband/wife roles, family vision, child education, worldview, financial issues, etc... (Note: worldviews can vary family to family even in a tight-knit community like HBC.)

#2. After you establish that you have the same worldview, and are making good progress forward, what next?
Once you have determined that it would be within God's will for you to marry the person, you can consider and answer the question, "Could I marry this person?" and "Do I want to marry this person?" At this point you are learning one another's personalities, likes/dislikes, growing and maturing together in the Lord through various difficulties, working together, creating a friendship, and learning how to be best friends.
In our experience, this one wasn't too hard to answer because we already knew each other for 7 years before the courtship began. Nevertheless, the months we have spent doing these things have been a huge blessing and, we believe, are laying an excellent foundation for marriage.

To sum it up,
The main preliminary questions we worked through were those which answered "Should I (or should I not) marry this person?" and after we were making good progress forward we did things to answer the questions, "Could I marry this person?" and "Do I want to marry this person?"

Any other questions out there?

Be God's and follow Him step by step...
Tyler & Perry

Courtship Encouragement Part II, Patience

-Patience-
If there's anything that a courtship will grow you in is patience. I know that's one of biggest things Perry and I are growing in. For those who aren't in a courtship and think you have patience, think again and just wait. :) Obviously, a courtship is a time when one really seeks and finds out if the other person is the right person to marry. Or maybe just check 10 times over if you knew before.
And if things seem to be going in a favorable direction, you always end up being best friends with the other person (Think about how many things/topics there is to talk about, and then think if you've ever talked about all that to anyone else besides a parent/mentor?). And in most courtships I think there's a time (it has to happen, part of the process) when you know it's Gods will that, he/she is the one.
But where does patience comes in??
Well, under the conditions listed above, you might for example...

-Want to talk about anything and everything but, some things should wait till engagement or marriage.

-Want to say something (like complimenting the other person) but have to say it in a particular way that's wholesome and good (discretion), or not say it at all.

-Want to do things together (even if it's just a hike or something) but can't always do them all the time/right away. Sometimes because you need someone(a parent) to go with you. Also Meaning wanting to be being alone, out of sight, etc... intentionally or not. (This doesn't necessarily mean I struggle with this, but just some general ideas).

-Just wanting to be married already because you so enjoy being around the other person. Example, wanting to talk very frequently, seeing one other very frequently, etc..

These are just examples, some of them we have experienced, some we haven't.
Different people will have different things, but the main issue is having patience.
It doesn't automatically mean you're sinning if you have some struggles with patience, or growing in it. Talk it over with a parent; especially for girls, they need someone to talk to and share these things with, other than the one who's courting them.



Hopefully these will be helpful to somebody sometime and make sense, and if not, who isn't interested in reading about courtship?

Courtship Encouragement Part 1

Throughout the courtship Perry and I have realized how much influence our courtship has upon others. As well as how many are watching it, awaiting it's outcome, but maybe more importantly, what we and our families do throughout the process. Also, God has used it so that people I don't even know are wondering what 'courtship' is, and asking questions/talking about it. Anyways, I've been throwing around a couple ideas in my head for awhile now to blog about. And, Perry and I decided that we would both blog about our courtship, or courtship related topics on our blogs now and then. Especially for our Arizona people, who aren't here to see it firsthand. If by chance you have a question relating to what are doing, feel free to comment. Also, for a disclaimer: Just because we are in a courtship, does not automatically makes us the "Courtship Gurus", but rather, we just like to talk about what God's been doing in our lives.


-Encouragement for the Young Men- (which also will encourage the Young Ladies) :)
So for us young men, we have the big question of when am I ready? A lot of times, we are afraid to being the topic up, or even (gulp) ask a Father about courting his daughter. Obviously, there is a season where we are preparing (like, our whole childhood and teen years, especially the latter) to be a Priest, Prophet, Provider, and Protector to a young lady and a future Family. I'm not going to necessarily tell you when you're ready, or give you a check list right now. But more of an encouragement, that when you are ready, don't be afraid to ask (even if you don't have the 50k job or are 'young') a father of someone you're interested in (God leading you to that person). Fathers can seem intimidating, but in one sense, they're on your side. What I mean is, they would love to have their daughter's' court and marry in life. Of course the big question fathers have is who and what makes him worthy? Making initial contact is the scariest thing of the whole process, but when you are to that point of being ready, be yourself, stay humble, and be bold. I wasn't to nervous when I did this, but I did lose some sleep over it, fortunately Mr. W was very gracious, lighthearted in a way, and just about as excited as I was. Fathers should be very careful and serious, but also not be so intimidating to potential young men that they're afraid to even ask.
Always strive to be an approved workman who is not despised because of his youth. Meaning not despised because he is an approved workman (or suitor). :)